Joe's back in ICU. I still can't grasp what happened.
he went in for eye surgery to just remove dried blood from the back of his left eye so he could see out of that one until the right was repaired and his vision restored. He's been blind for 4 months from this.
they sedated him. they started the surgery.. barely... and he stopped breathing. CPR was done, he;s intubated again and back in ICU on sedation and in for testing.
Everyone keeps asking me what I need.
I need to be able to fall apart, completely fall apart for a little while. I can't. I have to take care of everything else. I have to work, I have to care for JP and try to explain that Daddy is sleeping at the hospital .. but I don't know if I'm going to have to explain that Daddy is sleeping in Heaven soon.
I need help with babysitters for JP but the ones I can count on give me grief from time to time. Although right now I'm trying to find alternatives because they want to be at his bedside as well. They called a priest last night to give him last rights. I did find a person that is doing daycare for up to 2 kids and has 2 grown sons and an education degree. The ad states that her hours are flexible which is my issue with my work hours and a regular facility. With any luck this will be a perfect fit and I can have JP there 3 days a week.
I'm hoping they can find more answers today. They are planning on a heart cath again to make sure the stents are ok since they stopped ( the cardiologist) stopped the blood thinners until Joe's eye's were repaired.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
My garden is growing.. but have I mentioned I am shrinking?
After an unintentional start towards weight loss last August, I've kept up with the momentum. I made small changes and bought a food scale.. then worked on portion control. I've learned I can eat what I want.. and I do, just in very different amounts.
A lot of people have asked me what I am doing and I always tell them nothing more then old fashioned common sense. I eat healthy, eat much less then I used to (average btwn 1300-1600cal a day) and move more whether it be at the gym or at home. I don't do any crazy things... just all that silly stuff we always hear as basic recommendations... after all.. all those years of trying to take the weight off fast just worked so well for me, lol.
Nowadays I don't even really think about how much my viewpoint and my lifestyle have changed.. it's just how it is now for me and I'm perfectly comfortable with it. I eat whatever I want in either smaller portions or with healthy changes. I also make sure there is always (ok.. almost always) a fruit or veggie with my meals. It took me 40 years for my moment of clarity to finally 'get it'. I don't let myself get upset at the wasted years for what finally became so simple and clear to me. I don't set a timeline in stone.. just a general guide for what I'd like to see when.
Along the journey I've been on I've had wonderful little victories that sometimes take me a few days to realize, lol. Silly things like crossing my legs to sit on the bed or floor... last night I stretched while sitting down and realized I can touch my toes again!.. I was getting to the area right above my ankles for a long time... I'm in a size of jeans that I didn't expect to see for another month or so.. that was a biggie for me, lol. More importantly to me is the fact that I no longer feel like everyone is staring at me no matter where I am. I no longer am the biggest person in a group or in general and I feel like the me that I used to be more then 15years ago.
As of today I've lost 67lbs. In 11.5 more pounds I will be at my halfway to goal point....I'm so glad it finally clicked for me and I'm so glad I can be such a great example to JP for a healthy active lifestyle so that he doesn't have to go thru what I have over the years.
A lot of people have asked me what I am doing and I always tell them nothing more then old fashioned common sense. I eat healthy, eat much less then I used to (average btwn 1300-1600cal a day) and move more whether it be at the gym or at home. I don't do any crazy things... just all that silly stuff we always hear as basic recommendations... after all.. all those years of trying to take the weight off fast just worked so well for me, lol.
Nowadays I don't even really think about how much my viewpoint and my lifestyle have changed.. it's just how it is now for me and I'm perfectly comfortable with it. I eat whatever I want in either smaller portions or with healthy changes. I also make sure there is always (ok.. almost always) a fruit or veggie with my meals. It took me 40 years for my moment of clarity to finally 'get it'. I don't let myself get upset at the wasted years for what finally became so simple and clear to me. I don't set a timeline in stone.. just a general guide for what I'd like to see when.
Along the journey I've been on I've had wonderful little victories that sometimes take me a few days to realize, lol. Silly things like crossing my legs to sit on the bed or floor... last night I stretched while sitting down and realized I can touch my toes again!.. I was getting to the area right above my ankles for a long time... I'm in a size of jeans that I didn't expect to see for another month or so.. that was a biggie for me, lol. More importantly to me is the fact that I no longer feel like everyone is staring at me no matter where I am. I no longer am the biggest person in a group or in general and I feel like the me that I used to be more then 15years ago.
As of today I've lost 67lbs. In 11.5 more pounds I will be at my halfway to goal point....I'm so glad it finally clicked for me and I'm so glad I can be such a great example to JP for a healthy active lifestyle so that he doesn't have to go thru what I have over the years.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
How my garden grows, lol
Since JP was born I've become a morning person... well more of one anyway, lol. My favorite way to start my mornings for the last month or so has been to get up by 6am, grab a cup of coffee and go out and work in my little gardens. I use a cultivator to hack out the weeds, thin any seedlings, prune anything thats needs cutting back, etc.
For the last week it seems that it takes so little time that I just go out and do a little work and thats about it and it didn't dawn on me why until I looked at the pics I posted shortly after planting, lol...
This is my front garden as of this week, lol....
white eggplant just starting to grow
For the last week it seems that it takes so little time that I just go out and do a little work and thats about it and it didn't dawn on me why until I looked at the pics I posted shortly after planting, lol...
This is my front garden as of this week, lol....
these are my beets, lettuce, carrots and radishes from seeds
my HUGE and still growing pumpkin plant.. silly me thought I'd get one to two pumpkins off one plant. I have tons of blossoms about to open. In front of it is my watermelon plant that is a slow starter
my zucchini already has 3 baby zucchini growing and I've had to prune a couple of huge leaves off to make sure the yellow squash behind it gets enough light. The cucumbers are to the right of the zucchini and in back of the cucumbers is my butternut squash. just on the right edge of the photo is my white eggplant which has a tiny eggplant starting, on the edge of the left of my photo are my peppers with green peppers beginning to grow as of this morning
white eggplant just starting to grow
baby zucchini
we just had a very heavy rain go through so my pumpkin leaves are beated down a bit, this is one of the areas with lots of pumpkin blossoms
After I looked at the pics I previously posted I realized how much everything has grown and why it takes me no time at all to do the mundane little daily things, lol
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Gardens and health.. silly happy things.
With all the stress over the winter, I was looking forward to a calmer summer. Joe's health is fairly stable. The pacemaker had a loose screw the first week so back in for surgery he went. It was a simple procedure and he was home the next day... and as I remind him I now have it medically documented that he has had a loose screw. He's currently undergoing eye surgeries for retina bleeding.. but the dr feels a full recovery is a sure thing.. and this is the tail end of a long time of issues from the original foot ulcers just about 3 years ago.
We are enjoying a sometimes hotter then average, but mostly seasonal spring. I wanted to try growing veggies in the new place since there are less deer and wildlife to eat my tender young green growing things.
Joe has now banned me from walking into greenhouses or gardening centers, lol.
As of this morning I think I have completed all my plantings with the exception of quick grow things such as lettuce and spinach ( spinach will be a late summer to fall crop.. I have no more room at the moment). My front garden bed, which is about 3 feet wide and 10 feet long, is being used for the most of the veggies. I have planted it using a square foot gardening plan.
In those 30 square feet or so I have:
1 - Zucchini
1- Yellow squash
1- Watermelon
1- Pumpkin
1- Butternut squash
1- heavy producing (or so it says) cucumber
2- bell peppers ( one red and one green)
1- White eggplant
1- Pineapple sage
1- onion chives
9- Beets
12 Carrots
8 - Lettuce
the upside down tomato cage is for the cucumbers to grow on. Not pictured is my hanging strawberry plant. I just moved this to the front fro more sun as I'm not getting many blossoms, but it is nice and lush
now thats just the front..... in the back I have more, lol....all in containers
1- hanging cherry tomato - purchased it with tomatoes already growing so it had a nice start
1- huge beefsteak style tomato plant in a container with Parsley
1- long planter with another eggplant and lettuce - should get 3-4 large heads of lettuce.. and lots of leaves while thinning
1- long planter with cilantro and shorter growing carrots - hoping to get about 16 out of that
1- container with sweet peas - need to pick up another tomato cage for them to grow on
1- stacked planter with basil, german thyme, sage, tarragon, cilantro, dill
Joe wants to ask the landlords if we can dig up part of the lawn for a bigger garden next year. I've already looked into potatoes and onions and more fun things. If I can't then my containers are working fine. Joe is on a mission to find some kind of obscure italian zucchini variety. We thought we had found it but its a round squash, not a long variety. The greenhouse that I went to knew exactly what I was looking for and is planning on getting some seeds next year.. so Joe will have to wait, lol. For now I'm just enjoying the process of maintaining my little garden.. and looking forward to saving some money once I can harvest. My veggie bill at the grocery store is slightly (not too bad) painful some days, lol.
We are enjoying a sometimes hotter then average, but mostly seasonal spring. I wanted to try growing veggies in the new place since there are less deer and wildlife to eat my tender young green growing things.
Joe has now banned me from walking into greenhouses or gardening centers, lol.
As of this morning I think I have completed all my plantings with the exception of quick grow things such as lettuce and spinach ( spinach will be a late summer to fall crop.. I have no more room at the moment). My front garden bed, which is about 3 feet wide and 10 feet long, is being used for the most of the veggies. I have planted it using a square foot gardening plan.
In those 30 square feet or so I have:
1 - Zucchini
1- Yellow squash
1- Watermelon
1- Pumpkin
1- Butternut squash
1- heavy producing (or so it says) cucumber
2- bell peppers ( one red and one green)
1- White eggplant
1- Pineapple sage
1- onion chives
9- Beets
12 Carrots
8 - Lettuce
the upside down tomato cage is for the cucumbers to grow on. Not pictured is my hanging strawberry plant. I just moved this to the front fro more sun as I'm not getting many blossoms, but it is nice and lush
now thats just the front..... in the back I have more, lol....all in containers
1- hanging cherry tomato - purchased it with tomatoes already growing so it had a nice start
1- huge beefsteak style tomato plant in a container with Parsley
1- long planter with another eggplant and lettuce - should get 3-4 large heads of lettuce.. and lots of leaves while thinning
1- long planter with cilantro and shorter growing carrots - hoping to get about 16 out of that
1- container with sweet peas - need to pick up another tomato cage for them to grow on
1- stacked planter with basil, german thyme, sage, tarragon, cilantro, dill
Joe wants to ask the landlords if we can dig up part of the lawn for a bigger garden next year. I've already looked into potatoes and onions and more fun things. If I can't then my containers are working fine. Joe is on a mission to find some kind of obscure italian zucchini variety. We thought we had found it but its a round squash, not a long variety. The greenhouse that I went to knew exactly what I was looking for and is planning on getting some seeds next year.. so Joe will have to wait, lol. For now I'm just enjoying the process of maintaining my little garden.. and looking forward to saving some money once I can harvest. My veggie bill at the grocery store is slightly (not too bad) painful some days, lol.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
it's been a long 6 months
I haven't posted here in about 6 months as it's just been a long 6 months. Overall Joe has done very well and surprised us all at how he's bounced back as much as he has. Too bad I've become quite adept at packing a hospital bag for him quickly and the ambulance crews remember our house now.
He left the hospital after the heart attack on December 1'st... was back in a couple of weeks later when his external defibrulator went off and actually shocked him. Turns out it was machine malfunction and not him.
A couple of weeks after that he went back in for a severe pinky toe infection. He and his toe have now parted, but he's got a good attitude about it and has healed extremely well.
Toss in a few more heart related ER runs ( only 1 resulted in him leaving the same day), another ambulance call and we get to today.
He is getting his pacemaker in today ( will correct this later - it's actually called something else and works a little differently). I'm a little creeped out that the surgery is 6 months to the day of the original heart attack, but we had such positive results then that this should be smooth and easy.
We've been told by some people that his energy will now increase a little and that would be a good thing. He is starting to ride a bike... but gets tired after a few rounds on the driveway. I wouldn't expect him to be doing long trips right now anyway.. and any exercise is better then none. He's also learning to keep his salt intake to normal levels. The last ambulance/ER/admission was for that and we almost ended up there the other day as well. Of course this past Sunday was also not helped because he didnb't take his Lasix which helps with fluid retention.
Amazingly though he is keeping a good eye on his blood sugar and they are staying in much better ranges with many days in the normal range. For him this is amazing.
He left the hospital after the heart attack on December 1'st... was back in a couple of weeks later when his external defibrulator went off and actually shocked him. Turns out it was machine malfunction and not him.
A couple of weeks after that he went back in for a severe pinky toe infection. He and his toe have now parted, but he's got a good attitude about it and has healed extremely well.
Toss in a few more heart related ER runs ( only 1 resulted in him leaving the same day), another ambulance call and we get to today.
He is getting his pacemaker in today ( will correct this later - it's actually called something else and works a little differently). I'm a little creeped out that the surgery is 6 months to the day of the original heart attack, but we had such positive results then that this should be smooth and easy.
We've been told by some people that his energy will now increase a little and that would be a good thing. He is starting to ride a bike... but gets tired after a few rounds on the driveway. I wouldn't expect him to be doing long trips right now anyway.. and any exercise is better then none. He's also learning to keep his salt intake to normal levels. The last ambulance/ER/admission was for that and we almost ended up there the other day as well. Of course this past Sunday was also not helped because he didnb't take his Lasix which helps with fluid retention.
Amazingly though he is keeping a good eye on his blood sugar and they are staying in much better ranges with many days in the normal range. For him this is amazing.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
I believe in miracles.. and now have been fortunate enough to witness one firsthand
I've always believed in miracles, but always thought the miracle of birth of our son was the closest I would get. This past, short week I have been shown differently and have first hand witness to a miracle.
My husband is alive!
A week ago today my husband had just finished the first 24 hours of a battle for his life after a massive heart attack at age 35. He went into the ER via ambulance but the heart was not the first suspect. Severe ketoacidosis was. Then his oxygen levels went low and they had to intubate him. After that his heart rythms would not stabilize.
45minutes after I got to the ER, probably 60 minutes for him.. with supplemental oxygen being given to him already and a room of no less then 8 hospital dr's, nurses or techs.. he flat lined. I saw the events, I saw the nurse jump on the table and administer CPR. I wasnt sure what was going on for the first 15 seconds.. then it all clicked. He ended up coding twice in the end.
he then an emergency balloon catheterization to locate and then remove a large blood clot in one of the main arteries over the heart.
Satruday morning I was informed his kidneys were shutting down, by Sunday he was on dialysis. Monday we were told he was in multi system organ failure and that realistically his chances of surviving were 2%. They were unable to locate a source of a massive infection. They had an idea and had a surgeon coming in to assess what they thought it was.
They were able to locate the source and drain it. Within 24 hours his many organ failures started to restore function. The last hurdle was to get him to wake up and there was some concern that he had suffered brain damage as he was not responding as expected.
Last night he was finally following commands, simple ones that showed he was in there.
Then this morning the final tubes for ventilator and feeding were removed minutes prior to me being able to go back and see him!
We spent hours talking with him as much as he could. He knows what happened but is still coming to realize how much it was. He remembers everything from that night up until they intubated him which was done under sedation as he was fighting so much. We've since found out the story (if not specific information) has made the rounds of this very large hospital. He is an amazing story. I have informed him it is not to go to his head, lol.
At one point today I just had to laugh. He looked at me with all seriousness and asked what his odds were of living now. I just laughed and told him that yesterday his odds were 98% and that he was stuck with us all.
not bad since last Saturday and Sunday his odds of living were 0%. He should never have made it to his 36th birthday this coming monday. I should technically be classified as a widow today.
I am so deeply grateful for all that sent their prayers or positive thoughts for us as we went thru this. It is the most amazing feeling to sit here sad because I can't stay longer at night with him.. but am able to know that he will be there tomorrow.
He has been given a second chance on life and we have been given a second chance to make our marriage/family the union it should be. We have a long road to go to get there, and counseling for him and for us is part of that.
With what we've just gone thru - I think we can find the strength to make it to the goal. What's another small miracle when you've been blessed by such an incredible one.
Thank you God for giving me back my husband.
My husband is alive!
A week ago today my husband had just finished the first 24 hours of a battle for his life after a massive heart attack at age 35. He went into the ER via ambulance but the heart was not the first suspect. Severe ketoacidosis was. Then his oxygen levels went low and they had to intubate him. After that his heart rythms would not stabilize.
45minutes after I got to the ER, probably 60 minutes for him.. with supplemental oxygen being given to him already and a room of no less then 8 hospital dr's, nurses or techs.. he flat lined. I saw the events, I saw the nurse jump on the table and administer CPR. I wasnt sure what was going on for the first 15 seconds.. then it all clicked. He ended up coding twice in the end.
he then an emergency balloon catheterization to locate and then remove a large blood clot in one of the main arteries over the heart.
Satruday morning I was informed his kidneys were shutting down, by Sunday he was on dialysis. Monday we were told he was in multi system organ failure and that realistically his chances of surviving were 2%. They were unable to locate a source of a massive infection. They had an idea and had a surgeon coming in to assess what they thought it was.
They were able to locate the source and drain it. Within 24 hours his many organ failures started to restore function. The last hurdle was to get him to wake up and there was some concern that he had suffered brain damage as he was not responding as expected.
Last night he was finally following commands, simple ones that showed he was in there.
Then this morning the final tubes for ventilator and feeding were removed minutes prior to me being able to go back and see him!
We spent hours talking with him as much as he could. He knows what happened but is still coming to realize how much it was. He remembers everything from that night up until they intubated him which was done under sedation as he was fighting so much. We've since found out the story (if not specific information) has made the rounds of this very large hospital. He is an amazing story. I have informed him it is not to go to his head, lol.
At one point today I just had to laugh. He looked at me with all seriousness and asked what his odds were of living now. I just laughed and told him that yesterday his odds were 98% and that he was stuck with us all.
not bad since last Saturday and Sunday his odds of living were 0%. He should never have made it to his 36th birthday this coming monday. I should technically be classified as a widow today.
I am so deeply grateful for all that sent their prayers or positive thoughts for us as we went thru this. It is the most amazing feeling to sit here sad because I can't stay longer at night with him.. but am able to know that he will be there tomorrow.
He has been given a second chance on life and we have been given a second chance to make our marriage/family the union it should be. We have a long road to go to get there, and counseling for him and for us is part of that.
With what we've just gone thru - I think we can find the strength to make it to the goal. What's another small miracle when you've been blessed by such an incredible one.
Thank you God for giving me back my husband.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Improvement with Joe.
It looks like we may very well be getting our miracle that we needed.
Joe had a 0% chance of surviving on Saturday and Sunday. On Monday it was 2%. Yesterday morning it was 3.5%. He's been in MASSIVE systems failure of at least 8 different systems.
However then yesterday small miracles started happening:
His kidneys are functioning again on their own and he put out more then he took in yesterday.
His liver enzymes are off the chart because the liver is in shock and it does that.
His lungs are still filled with fluid, but his oxygen need was decreased from 70% to 40% - HUGE change.
They found the source of the infection on Monday and cut open an area around his ankle and drained an unexpected amount of infection. That was the catalyst. that had to change first and then his fever went down and his body started to work again. His BP was holding strong with less and less medications... and by 5:30 last night the balloon was out of his heart and the pump is gone! Today they may take him off the dialysis, and IF he continues to make this much improvement, then the ventilator is taken away tomorrow and they are waking him up.
the staff is amazed and you can tell the difference in their demeanor. He is still in a lot of risk though. He has so many IV lines in, and if any of them get infected it will be a different story - however his chances are better. I'll be leaving for the hospital by 10 ( can't really get into CCU before - even for me). Hoping for fabulous news today, but am realistic and know he may be in trouble still.
the hospital staff wants me to talk to one of their social workers because I appear to be handling it all extremely well. The intensivist is afraid I'm going to break badly. I should have my pastor talk to her about the MASSIVE meltdown I had on Monday in the hospital chapel.
not fully out of the woods yet..but maybe we are seeing the trees thinning and are closer to out of the woods then we think.
Joe had a 0% chance of surviving on Saturday and Sunday. On Monday it was 2%. Yesterday morning it was 3.5%. He's been in MASSIVE systems failure of at least 8 different systems.
However then yesterday small miracles started happening:
His kidneys are functioning again on their own and he put out more then he took in yesterday.
His liver enzymes are off the chart because the liver is in shock and it does that.
His lungs are still filled with fluid, but his oxygen need was decreased from 70% to 40% - HUGE change.
They found the source of the infection on Monday and cut open an area around his ankle and drained an unexpected amount of infection. That was the catalyst. that had to change first and then his fever went down and his body started to work again. His BP was holding strong with less and less medications... and by 5:30 last night the balloon was out of his heart and the pump is gone! Today they may take him off the dialysis, and IF he continues to make this much improvement, then the ventilator is taken away tomorrow and they are waking him up.
the staff is amazed and you can tell the difference in their demeanor. He is still in a lot of risk though. He has so many IV lines in, and if any of them get infected it will be a different story - however his chances are better. I'll be leaving for the hospital by 10 ( can't really get into CCU before - even for me). Hoping for fabulous news today, but am realistic and know he may be in trouble still.
the hospital staff wants me to talk to one of their social workers because I appear to be handling it all extremely well. The intensivist is afraid I'm going to break badly. I should have my pastor talk to her about the MASSIVE meltdown I had on Monday in the hospital chapel.
not fully out of the woods yet..but maybe we are seeing the trees thinning and are closer to out of the woods then we think.
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