deja vu to novmember

Joe's back in ICU. I still can't grasp what happened.

he went in for eye surgery to just remove dried blood from the back of his left eye so he could see out of that one until the right was repaired and his vision restored. He's been blind for 4 months from this.

they sedated him. they started the surgery.. barely... and he stopped breathing. CPR was done, he;s intubated again and back in ICU on sedation and in for testing.

Everyone keeps asking me what I need.

I need to be able to fall apart, completely fall apart for a little while. I can't. I have to take care of everything else. I have to work, I have to care for JP and try to explain that Daddy is sleeping at the hospital .. but I don't know if I'm going to have to explain that Daddy is sleeping in Heaven soon.

I need help with babysitters for JP but the ones I can count on give me grief from time to time. Although right now I'm trying to find alternatives because they want to be at his bedside as well. They called a priest last night to give him last rights.  I did find a person that is doing daycare for up to 2 kids and has 2 grown sons and an education degree. The ad states that her hours are flexible which is my issue with my work hours and a regular facility. With any luck this will be a perfect fit and I can have JP there 3 days a week.

I'm hoping they can find more answers today. They are planning on a heart cath again to make sure the stents are ok since they stopped ( the cardiologist) stopped the blood thinners until Joe's eye's were repaired.