Saturday, September 17, 2011

Another day and no answers

I just got home from the hospital. Some improvements, some declines. Still no clear answers.

His breathing is improved to more on his own and the ventilator just supporting him, but no longer breathing for him.

Neurologically he's still not showing the right signs, in fact the right side of his body isn't showing any movement now, whereas the other day it was.

Now they are telling me there is a small chance of a brain stem stroke. However he has a pacemaker, 2 stents and steel rods in his hip from a fracture. They can't do an MRI for a definitive answer. He responds to certain stimuli, other things he doesn't.

They just have no clue yet. Todays blood work came back normal. The good thing there is that its not sepsis this time.

I was able to speak with the neurologist today and he is having a meeting with other neuro's today and will be seeking their opinion. I had to laugh when I asked about what time and he said a birthday party, lol. If anyone had a brilliant insight I asked him to call me.. otherwise I'll wait.

I'm so overwhelmed at the thoughts in general today. One of the concerns with Joe's neurological status is that he is perfectly aware of everything around him, but 'locked in' due to the location of the potential stroke.If thats the case he won't be able to move or communicate.. at least thats my current understanding We are just trying to stay positive that there is no actual brain stem injury. The odds of it are low, but they are there.

I'm coming to realize that its best if I start planning things as if I'm a single parent. I was leaving the goal of taking JP to and from preschool as something for Joe to work towards. Now I'll have to find a preschool thats affordable, and has hours that can accomodate my schedule.

I was doing well for most of the day and was keeping busy cleaning. Now the depression is really starting to take hold. I think I prefer having a cushion of shock and denial.I was thinking of sending out a general text to some friends and seeing if they are up to a pizza and wine night.. but I hesitate as the main portion of the group I'm thinking of is a newer bunch of people to us... they know about Joe's health issues... and all I do when with them is laugh... but I just can't make myself reach out.

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