The name 'man cold' disguises the true terrible, debilitating disease that is the man cold. Nearly all men will die from man colds unless they are administered immediately with large amounts of mindless TV such as daytime TV, or childrens' cartoons. It is essential that they not move from bed or a comfy sofa to allow for rehabilitation, and must have tissues and man cold medicine (such as chocolate biscuits, McDonalds, or a nice cup of tea) brought to them constantly by a nearby female.
'Either i have meningitus, end stage brain cancer, or a man cold'
This is Joe's current state. We expect him to pass on in .. oh 40-50 years. However if you ask him he'll tell you that his passing is imment. He called me at work yesterday to come home early. He called at 8:45.. on tuesday I leave work at 1:00. To help him deal with the horrid malaise of a 'man cold' I left at noon. He of course was NOT appreciative of this as he wouldn't be able to sleep before leaving for work at 2:00. When I asked how he could work in such a delicate condition I was told that he had to go to work because it was important and he had things to do. For some reason he didn't grasp the dead silence and subsequent "reallllllllyyyyyy?" from me as sarcastic. Guess the man cold was tampering with his early warning system. Oh and I was also guilted (good attempt on his part) on how he couldn't possibly care for JP in a proper way in his condition and that he was afraid he was going to give this horrible malady to JP. OK.. let's just fess up and be honest here. Joe lies in bed with JP and tries to convince him to take a nap.. or he plops him in his safe play area while Joe sits on the couch and they watch TV. anyone wonder why I still keep a safe play area in the house? If it weren't for that JP would probably spend more time in the crib on Tuesdays. On my way home yesterday I stopped and got Dayquil to hopefully keep Joe alive for a few more days. What does he do? Takes 1 capsule when 2 is the dosage and leaves the rest on the table. Why if I didn't know better I would think that he WANTED to feel sick and miserable. And yes I say that with my best sweet, innocent, doe eyed expression. Tonight I worked until 7. came home... microwaved dinner and served the ailing man. He tells me he would have made a galliant effort to sit at the table. Then has to lie down to 'rest' because he 'needs his energy' for work tomorrow and afterall I have the day off. Oh and he only got 4 hours of sleep last night. Yet the constantly interupted sleep I have had for 2 months leaves me bright eyed and bushy tailed all the time. Then again, I'm being cruel.. After all I don't have a 'MAN COLD'. Thankfully I'm surrounded by those that support me well as I nurse Joe thru this crisis. Many have offered to call the ambulance for me. I look forward to a lovely nights sleep tonight filled with the hacking man cold cough.... which of course will be directed to my side of the bed.
Stay tuned for the 'woman cold' where I jump mounds of laundry, cook gourmet meals from scratch, listen wide eyed as my darling husband weaves tales of his day at work, care for the young prodigy we are to mold into a fine young man and work my usual full time job.... while listening to my husband ignore my red eyed, sneezing, coughing self to proclaim.....
"I'm tired, I'm going to bed"
surely I can get a jury of married women formy murder trial. I should be cleared in no time.